I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
