did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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