guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
