Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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