Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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