The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
