i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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