Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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