I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
