people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
