I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
operation harelip BJ is a go
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
