You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
