He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
