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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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