she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
