Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
