No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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