If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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