A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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