I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
