i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My cat gives me a boner
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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