i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
