I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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