OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
