Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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