My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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