I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
