Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
