I want to make a zoo with you.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
