ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
