once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
