Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
