i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
