Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
