throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
