She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
