Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
