I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
