she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
