I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
