I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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