HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
