I'm sorry my penis didn't work
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize