I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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