I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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