I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you're hired as official boob wrangler
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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