Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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