It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
