she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
