I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
