what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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