goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize