Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
