tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Did you pee in the oven last night??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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