If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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