your room smells of hookers.
And success
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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