you traded sex for a burrito?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
