I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
