Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
